Limitless

Be gentle with yourself is all I keep hearing.

And as I ponder what has brought on a leaky roof in my bedroom, the only thing I can surmise from the sensations in my body is this:  I want to cry.  Some of it could have to do with the fact it has been raining for a few days and I’m tired of a wet carpet and the pit-pat of drops in a bucket.  It may have something to do with the resulting downer of a very busy week including a birthday, two nights out and the regular hormonal blast.  Although babysitters fell through and I had to rely on Grandma again, I still saw it through.

Usually I’m  grateful for the rinse of the rain.  It freshens things up, changes routines a little and overall does the spirit good to be misted.  I like the sensation on my face and enjoy the fresh coat of colour as it enhances everything that is.

Back to me.

I “went out” three times this month.  For a Sagittarius, this is a standard dose of adventure (maybe even a little less than standard).  For a single mom of two, not so.  I also ran out of gas twice…now that’s adventure!  I have since figured out that 1/3 of a tank actually means empty.  The kids keep asking me if we have enough and so does my mother when she comes along and we all check the gauge together now. *Sigh*  I’ll live it down someday…and we all keep laughing.

So what do I want to cry about? Turning another year older? Nah.  It’s a number to celebrate: 3+7=10=1  so it’s a year of new beginnings and unity.

My lower self scoffs: New beginnings?  Haven’t you had enough of those lately?  Unity? Really, you’re spending more time apart from your kids how is that unity?

My higher self croons: The new beginning…the one beyond the years of transition you just went through.  Unity is togetherness no matter what changes.  Unity in heart and spirit counts too.

So I’m mourning in the final stages of transition maybe.  My mom tells me I haven’t been myself over the last couple of days so clearly it’s noticeable and if I could only just push an emotional purge button, it would all be over with. I’m irritated and not being able to get grounded, get real and get back to loving.

And the only way to get there is through me. I know that.

Last night I got caught up on laundry and dishes and prepared lunches…going through the motions and responsibilities and enjoying the quiet they provided.  It felt like progress.

Simple things reassure me.

As I type this I’m watching two little birds perched on a tire, in the shelter of the van’s wheel well. They’re chirping about the weather like two old men and it’s making me smile…and now there are four of them and I’m just about to laugh out loud. They’re glad it’s raining and not snowing! It’s silly; but even better to feel laughter.

My life is full and vibrant and I’m grateful for all of it. I roll and jump and toussel and take leaps of faith regularly.  I also hug, love, encourage and enjoy the people in it wholeheartedly…and it’s okay when I need to sit quietly and recharge.

So there has been a change in metric, and the roof is being overhauled…the sky (and beyond) is limitless! I release all that no longer serves me.

Believing in me,

JCM

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