Crying to the Big & Bright

It was a dark and rainy night.

“I’m bigger than this.”

I kept repeating this to myself last night as I sat in the dark, listening to the birds and wind and leaves considering whether or not it was time to pop out.

“I’m bigger than this.”

As the tears welled in my eyes; doubting my direction and decisions.

“I’m bigger than this.”

Choosing to believe in the letting go; choosing to hold steadfast in the hope of great times and great joy.

“I’m bigger than this.”

Embracing all that I am; all that I can and will be…for me and my children.

“I’m bigger than this.”

Offering my sadness as a gift to my guides to hold overnight and dispel to the ethers; I choose wellness and wholeness.

I let go of the frustration of a messy house, children not wanting what I prepared for dinner, water from the tub everywhere, wet clothes and strewn teddy bears.  I bear the work of a mother and two children knowing I am given all that I can handle.  I know it won’t matter the next day (and writing this is testament to it).  Other families have heavier burdens than mine that I don’t care to bring into my matrix. And it’s okay to cry; be sad; and be vulnerable.

So I turn off all the lights and lock the doors of the day.  I go to bed when they do.

And I speak encouraging words to myself.

“I’m brighter than this.”

Every day, in every way, I keep getting better and better…at this life of mine.  And this little light of mine, well, I’m going to let it shine.

Believing in ME,

JCM

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