Waitin’ On a Sunny Day
Okay, so it doesn’t take a genius to see life can be a roller coaster. Just around dinner time I said to a new friend that I feel like I’m on a roller coaster. After the expected “oh no” I assured her it was a good thing. Or that is how I choose to see it. Here’s why:
I’m totally, survive an apocalypse, strapped in secure. There are people screaming around me…some for their mothers, others for their saviours, others again just in sheer demonic laughter. No matter why, we’re all in this together.
Up, up, up, up…and here we go doooooowwwwwnn only to go up again.
As I waited (in the car) for my son’s Beavers session to come to a close, a song came on the radio that made my heart swell. Long ago I heard Secret Garden (by Bruce Springsteen) and I instinctively knew there was a garden within me that I had every control over who I let in. Funny how we forget things. As I watched the snow melt on the warm windshield and watched my daughter sleeping in her car seat, I couldn’t imagine a more beautiful way for this reminder to come. I promptly gave thanks.
So I came home and pulled it up on YouTube. Yay me. Here’s one that really made me smile though. It’s fitting to put it in here a) because I know where to find it quickly and b)they’re having so much fun c)I think the Boss looks better here.
Thank goodness the sun always shines somewhere!
Believing in me, the sun, and the garden.
JCM
I2U & U2I
Have you ever had one of those weeks where in retrospect you wonder if you were possessed by someone else?
I just re-read the post prior to this one. The one I wrote on Sunday. Boy, what a draining day that was and I’m glad it’s over and I had the emo-purge. There are some of us out there that would say “you have those times to appreciate the other times”. Yes indeed, the dark does come with the light too. There are times though I feel as large as life itself. I have many many things to be grateful for and I cringed to see the word “sorry” so often in the other post. Honest as it was, I regret nothing.
So what’s the difference? When considering right-brain stuff, I am un-contained, totally free and soaring. All-loving, all-accepting, utopic (if a person can be such). As soon as I get into my left brain I feel restricted, channeled, needing to justify and measure everything. In this human experience, we’ve created that for each other. I to you; and you to I. (I2U&U2I). So thanks…we’re even. We can stop now. ; )
So just in case someone is reading this stuff, know that I’m okay and will be forever and ever amen.
Believing in me,
JCM
Sorry Times Two
“I’m sorry I’m just one person” I tell my son. And I can’t help but let a few tears flow.
I’m sorry for him and I’m sorry for his sister and I’m sorry for everyone else in my life. I’m sorry for me too. I’m sorry when he sees a book with a family of four on it and wants to read it (when it’s an adult book). I’m sorry when he looks at a family out and about or when he sees a man walk by and tells me he’d like there to be four in our house.
I’m sorry that I couldn’t be lovable enough to make a marriage work. I’m sorry that I’m the person who couldn’t love any longer either. I’m sorry I couldn’t love enough for two people (for us and the kids).
I’m sorry I can’t be mother, father, friend and confidant all of the time for either of them. I’m sorry I can’t split into two when they both need my attention. Likewise for when we’re out in public and they both need to go to the washroom, need their noses blown or want to try different things. I’m sorry I can’t teach them both how to skate at the same time. I’m sorry I can’t listen to them both at the same time with equal enthusiasm. I’m sorry I can’t dress one tenderly in the morning and cook eggs at the same time.
I’m sorry too that I can’t network and promote my business the way I used to. I’m sorry that I can’t be there for my client and friend when she needs me too as well. The entrepreneur and the mother often conflict. I’m sorry that I don’t have the gumption to keep in touch with friends “should I choose” so that I can be questioned about my choices.
I’m sorry too that I don’t feel I fit with single parents or single people for that matter. Or married people sometimes.
I’m sorry that I usually come second, before other people’s habits, defaults and desires.
I’m sorry I know my inner strength and the frustration that comes from days like this where the only thing to do is release within human tears.
I expect differently from my life today.
And when I don’t feel that I’m enough of anything, I embrace my vulnerability, remind myself of my wellness and what really matters. For tonight, I will pray for replenishment, wholeness, the right people at the right time, recognition of other’s vulnerability, and love from all the good around me.
For tomorrow, the sun will rise and a brand new day will offer the world to me.
Pity party’s over now. I might look like hell but still…Believing in me.
JCM
From “I feel pretty” to “I feel funky”
I’ve fallen in love with this quote:
“Only now was she beginning to understand how much those apparently meaningless exercises were influencing her life. Only now, when she was considering changing on the outside, could she realize how much she had changed inside.” Paulo Coelho, Brida
The right words at the right time. I recycled a lot of clothing yesterday. Mostly because I recognized how frustrated I was getting while choosing something to wear. Mostly, the items fell into three categories:
1. Doesn’t Fit.
2. Doesn’t feel right.
3. Never really worn it…tried it on (usually in desperation) so why keep it here.
I come from the thinking that if you don’t feel good in your clothes they don’t look good on. So instead of running around naked (even though I’m totally comfortable in my own skin) I decided to quit trying to make “me” fit into the clothes that no longer make me feel good. The inside of me, no longer works with what did work when my life and I were very different.
It’s a pretty simple task really. There are probably a few more pieces that should go but I insist on holding onto them. Like the sweater my girlfriends gave me for my 16th birthday. It still looks really good so I’ll just pack it away again. Honestly, I’ve more than doubled in age and it still fits…a nice confirmation that I actually haven’t doubled in size. Phew!
And as the universal law states, a void will always be replenished. As so it was with a totally retro funky top I will take a picture of and add later. It fits perfectly for many reasons.
Either way, life changes and so do you AND so should your clothes. Finding your own style can only come once you’ve found you anyway.
Believing in me.
JCM
My Faves So Far…
Welcome to the first-timers. You’re probably here by following the link I shared through my Nimble Assistant accounts. So here is a real personal side. Consider yourself warned : )
Here, I blog about my life as an entrepreneurial mom/cheerleader of life. Here are my favourite posts so far:
Mom for Show and Tell
The Places You’ll Go
Letter to Uncle Roger
Happy Birthday To Me
As most of you know, it’s important to know when/where you make a difference so I welcome your comments and thoughts.
Believing in me.
JCM
If I could live my heart’s desire…
If I could live my heart’s desire every day I would spend the day loving people. Giving them my utmost attention, validating enough to encourage their truth yet, hopeful enough to not let them wallow.The Places You’ll Go
…from Dr. Seuss is a fabulous book I read tonight. I won it thanks to a great little session put on by my pal Rob and his co-creator Susan. Tonight wasn’t the first time I’ve read it but tonight it had different meaning.
I read it to my kids.
Last time I read it, I felt good about it. I liked the words, the message and even delighted in the pictures on the paper. Tonight though I read it with the knowing and hope of a parent and those of us in that boat you know what I’m talking about.
For me (the first time) it was joyful, connecting with my inner child and reading it straightened my spine a little. Reading it to my kids however, I felt different, stronger for them, and I had to consider that for a minute. Often when we’re considering things for ourselves we don’t believe strong enough…not like a parent does for their child. More often when we say things to ourselves, we don’t talk as we would to our child either.
Now I pride myself in being able to speak kindly (to everyone including myself) so that wasn’t an issue but this little exercise showed me the where I need a little more work. And yet, it wouldn’t have happened if not for my children and my intense belief in their greatness.
Thank you Mason & Eleanor for showing me the depth of our creation together.
JCM
Re-awaking Core Strength with Colours
That’s what I’m working on. The core of my body, the core of my beliefs and the core of my thinking.
Interestingly enough, it’s all coming together. I actually did 80 sit-ups yesterday morning as well as some other abdomen strengthening exercise my sister-in-law demonstrated for me. (Thanks Christine!). This is making me very conscious of my middle and the support I have for myself from myself.
For a long time now I have doubted my my core. I’ve been using my legs to stand strong, my back to hold my head high and my shoulders to wrap my arms around my children. I would visualize clear and spinning chakras, free of dirt and negativity however recently I had neglected to give them the proper meditation and mind space.
For the last two weeks though, I’m bringing it back together. As I perform (yes, it seems a little bit of a production) the above-mentioned-yet-unnamed-exercise-from-Christine I recite an abundance mantra. It’s probably about 10 sentences. A nice to do for my solar-plexus chakra, the orange one (I better check that name), the one dedicated to financial stability. I do that three times with a little rest and gratitude in between.
Next come the sit ups. First I bring my heart to my root (regular crunches) then my root to my to throat chakra (the reverse ones I can use my legs for momentum thus being able to direct energy a little farther ; )) We all know that red(root) and blue (throat) make purple (mind’s eye chakra) so that all balances out. When all this colour blasting is over and my core strengthening is over I let the sun shine in via my yellow chakra, spreading wellness, ease and release all through my body as I contemplate how I’m going to get off the floor.
But wait, there’s more!
Once I’ve referenced my books for the day, hitting the shower I review that all the chakras are in balance and radiating. Specifically I tune into the ear ones and use the water to clear away any blockages I have and offer the final moments to any other insights I should be receiving.
At that point, there is usually a knock at the door, yelling, or otherwise healthy indicators that my children are up, eating, cajoling or otherwise…and I’m ready for it all!
I believe in ME.
JCM
The I in Believe.
I still have work to do. Lots of it. I’m reminded every time I type the word BELIEVE.
How so? Because every time I type beleive it comes out like that. Wrong. Thinking this is subliminal, I get frustrated with myself. Can you believe I created a blog with a word I constantly mispell?
Then I give myself a break, decide that I do beleive (and there it is again…so maybe not quite yet) I really do give thought and consciousness effort to choice and attitude every second of my life. So here it is: I’m going to repeat this word until I don’t get it wrong…because I’m going to get it through my body as strongly as I have it in my mind.
I believe
I believe
I believe
I believe
I beleive…oops.
I believe
I beleive…yay
I believe
I believe
I believe
I believe
I believe
I believe
I believe
I beleive… I accept my resistance
I believe
I beleive…deep breath
I belive…okay, I live too
I believe
I believe
I believe
I believe
I believe
I believe
I believe
I believe
I believe
I believe
I believe
I believe
I believe
I believe
I believe
I believe
I believe
I believe in me.
I beleive..ha!
I believe in me.
I believe in me.
I believe in my life.
I believe in my strength
I believe in my beauty.
I believe in my children
I believe in my love.
I believe in my presence.
I believe I make a difference.
I believe in others.
I believe in greatness.
Okay… I believe.
Letter to Uncle Roger
December 11, 2009
Cher oncle Roger:
Tonight I sat with my mom and we talked about you. Yes, you.
You see, your little sister Bernadette wanted to remember and reminisce her time with you; she wanted to honour your life and find a place for this letting go, this yearning to comfort you, cherishing your uniqueness and contribution to her life and other’s lives.
She thought back on the time you bought her 1st pair of new figure skates. As her emotions swelled, she remembered how special you made her feel. She wanted you to feel special too when she visited you in the hospital after your accident all wired up and dangling in traction. She skipped school for that.
She remarked how you stayed close to home and she always knew you were near. Others too felt they could count on you. For this, that and the other thing. She respected you when you were grumpy; comfortably knowing you’d come around to your jovial self in no time.
She knew how much you loved to play; and the people you caroused with. Cribbage, darts, curling, bingo, dancing, the Haileybury 54’s…and horse shoes, well we all know where they were now don’t we?!
Ah, and the food: Cecile’s legacy. Pickled Pigs feet between the two of you (not that too many people wanted in on the jar) and the coveted cabbage salad will forever remind her of you. She remembered the quiet times too and the patience and love you had of fishing, always catching something, no matter what side of the boat you were on…not so for anyone else with their rod in the water along side of you.
September was a special month indeed. She and uncle Aurele cherish your shared birth month and she holds those celebrations of the three of you tight in her memories. Despite the 15 year age difference, she is often comforted by her big brothers, although now things are going to feel a little different.
There are so many memories she sifted through tonight…and given the opportunity, I added my own from my younger years. Christmas eve, once the customary water main broke that you HAD to go and fix, Saint Nick arrived, jolly as ever. (Clearing my throat here) and we all loved that! As children I recall sending my brother as a decoy so I could pop a few carrots out of your summer garden. And I’ll never forget as long as I live how you convinced my brother you could speak Chinese. Honestly!
Regardless of what was going on, mom recognized how much you love Aunt Fred. She remember babysitting for you so a night out could be had. Even when you deployed ‘Operation Get Married’ one New Year’s Eve, she pulled some friends and family together to celebrate you.
There was common thread though I must say. She said this many times tonight (although in different ways). “Roger kept things simple. He was happy-go-lucky.” Your joy, tons of laughter, and people always remembered you as though branded with your RB.
Cher oncle, thank you for imprinting your genuine contentedness, faith and appreciation for what was around you. Until next time loved one.
TAXI!
Your favourite niece (wink!),
La-toune!
